open our hearts

Partnering with Parents to Nurture Family Faith

by John Roberto (USCCB; Article published for Catechetical Sunday 2020)

How can we partner with parents and develop vital and vibrant families of faith? Over the past two decades we have been blessed with some of the best research ever done on the role of parents and the family in forming the faith of children and young people. These studies have affirmed the centrality of parents, and the whole family, in forming the faith of children and youth. This essay draws from several major research studies to identify findings that can be used to develop approaches and strategies to engage, encourage, and equip parents for family faith transmission and formation.

Use the four research findings in this essay to assess your current practice, redesign ministry and programming, and create new initiatives that engage, encourage, and equip parents and the whole family at home, church, and school. There is no more urgent task for the Church today than strengthening parental and family faith and practice.



#1. PARENTS ARE THE MOST SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON THE RELIGIOUS AND SPIRITUAL OUTCOMES OF YOUNG PEOPLE.

The single most powerful force in a child’s religious formation is the spiritual personality of the parent. We know the parental factors that make a significant difference in promoting faith in children and youth include:



#2. THE PRIMARY WAY BY WHICH CATHOLIC IDENTITY BECOMES ROOTED IN CHILDREN’S LIVES ARE THE DAY-TO-DAY RELIGIOUS PRACTICES OF THE FAMILY AND THE WAYS PARENTS MODEL THEIR FAITH AND SHARE IT IN CONVERSATION, COLLABORATION, AND EXPOSURE TO OUTSIDE RELIGIOUS OPPORTUNITIES.

The crucial location where young people’s religious outcomes are largely decided is not the parish or Catholic school, but the home. The primary responsibility for passing on religious faith and practice to children rests with parents; religious congregations (and Catholic schools) are secondary and primarily serve to provide support. This means that the most important agent in the religious and spiritual outcomes of children and youth are neither clergy nor youth ministers, neither educators nor the voices of popular culture and media, but parents. (Bartkus and Smith)



#3. THE FAMILY IS THE PRIMARY COMMUNITY WHERE CATHOLIC FAITH PRACTICES ARE NURTURED AND PRACTICED.

We have discovered through research that certain faith practices make a significant difference in nurturing the faith of children and adolescents at home. “Raising religious children should thus primarily be a practice-centered process, not chiefly a didactic teaching program. Parents modeling religious practices is primary, and explaining belief systems is secondary” (Smith, Ritz, and Rotolo, 179). Among the most important practices are:

We have discovered through research that certain faith practices make a significant difference in nurturing the faith of children and adolescents at home. “Raising religious children should thus primarily be a practice-centered process, not chiefly a didactic teaching program. Parents modeling religious practices is primary, and explaining belief systems is secondary” (Smith, Ritz, and Rotolo, 179). Among the most important practices are:

The way that family prayer unifies the family stands out. Family prayer is a time of family togetherness and interaction, a space for social support, and a means for intergenerational transmission of moral and spiritual values. Family prayer include the issues and concerns of individuals and the family, helps reduce relational tensions, and provides feelings of connectedness, unity, and bonding. (Dollahite, Marks, and Boyd)



#4. THE QUALITY OF A PARENT’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR CHILDREN OR TEENS AND THE PARENTING STYLE THEY PRACTICE MAKE A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IN FAITH TRANSMISSION.

Parents cultivate relationships of warmth and love which makes everything else possible. While faith practices and attending religious services are important, the quality of the parent–child relationship is even more important. (Dollahite,Marks, and Boyd)

Parents balance religious firmness with religious flexibility in their parenting. Parents who can avoid religious rigidity through balance are more likely to maintain more positive relationships with their children. (Dollahite, Marks, and Boyd)

Parents balance desire for religious continuity with children’s agency. They transmit their faith to their children while honoring their children’s agency by teaching principles and values, providing expectations of religious participation and responsibility, not forcing faith, allowing exploration and mistakes, and showing respect for children’s views. (Dollahite, Marks, and Boyd)

Parents listen more and preach less. The way parents approach parent–youth conversations about religion and spirituality matters. It is a more satisfying and successful religious and relational experience when the conversations were more youth-centered than parentcentered. (Smith, Ritz, and Rotolo) (Dollahite, Marks, and Boyd)